A Note on Our Community's Values

Boston Gaymers is committed to being an anti-racist and trans-affirming community. This means we actively oppose all forms of racism, anti-Blackness, xenophobia, transphobia, and cultural discrimination. We recognize that LGBTQIA+ BIPOC and transgender/gender-diverse individuals face unique and often intersecting forms of discrimination. Our community must be a sanctuary against them. These guidelines exist not just to react to harm, but to proactively build a space where every member can thrive.

Prioritizing Safety Over Comfort

Boston Gaymers prioritizes marginalized people's safety over privileged people's comfort. We will not act on complaints regarding:

• "Reverse" -isms (e.g., "reverse racism", "cisphobia").
• Reasonable communication of boundaries (e.g., "leave me alone").
• Criticism of racist, sexist, or otherwise oppressive behavior.

Our Guiding Etiquette

Boston Gaymers is first and foremost an exercise in Community Building. We come here to form a community with other folks who share interests and proximity to us. Read content with the best possible interpretation.

Make sure you leave space for others; if you are in an active conversation and see a new member attempt to join, welcome them in. We want every space in BG to feel welcoming to everyone.

Our Shared Language

To ensure we have a clear and shared understanding, here are definitions for key terms used in this document.

BIPOC

Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

Microaggression

Subtle, often unintentional, expressions of bias or prejudice. Examples include questioning someone's origins, making assumptions based on stereotypes, or dismissing lived experiences of racism.

Tone-Policing

A silencing tactic that dismisses the validity of a person's message because it is delivered in an "angry," "emotional," or "impolite" way. This is frequently used against BIPOC and other marginalized members and is not acceptable.

Deadnaming

Using a pre-transition name (a "deadname") for a transgender or gender-diverse person without their explicit permission. This is a form of disrespect and harassment.

Misgendering

Using the wrong name, pronouns, or terms of address for a person. Deliberate and/or repeated misgendering is a form of harassment.

Devil's Advocate

Playing "devil's advocate" or debating the validity of another person's human rights, lived experience of racism, or gender identity is prohibited and considered a form of harassment.

1. Respect and Inclusivity

Treat all members with kindness, empathy, and open-mindedness, both online and at our in-person events. Foster an environment where everyone feels valued and heard. Embrace diversity in sexual orientations, gender identities, race, ethnicity, cultures, and experiences. We expect members to actively practice inclusivity and interrupt behaviors that make any group feel unwelcome.

Example of Breaking Guideline: Engaging in discriminatory language or behavior towards any member based on their identity. Sharing jokes/memes that mock or demean a specific identity.

2. No Hate Speech or Harmful Promotion

Avoid using offensive language, slurs, or derogatory terms that target any individual or group. This includes dog whistles, coded language, transphobic slurs, and deadnaming. The use of reclaimed language is an exception, but not when used for hate or discrimination.

3. Privacy, Consent, and No Harassment

Uphold a zero-tolerance policy for any form of bullying, harassment, or intimidation. Treat others with compassion and empathy. Harassment includes, but is not limited to:

• Offensive comments related to gender, gender identity and expression, sexual orientation, disability, mental illness, neuro(a)typicality, physical appearance, body size, age, race, or religion.
• Unwelcome comments regarding a person's lifestyle choices and practices, including those related to food, health, parenting, drugs, and employment.
• Deliberate misgendering or use of "dead" or rejected names.
• Physical contact and simulated physical contact (e.g., textual descriptions like "hug" or "backrub") without consent or after a request to stop.
• Threats of violence or incitement of violence towards any individual, including encouraging a person to commit suicide or to engage in self-harm.
• Stalking, doxxing, or following someone without their consent.
• Harassing photography or recording, including logging online activity for harassment purposes.
• Continued one-on-one communication after a request to cease.
• Publication of non-harassing private communication without explicit consent.

Community First

We are a gaming/social community server first and foremost. We are not a dating or NSFW space. Please follow our "Privacy, Consent, and No Harassment" guideline when conducting yourself in private messages with other members.

NSFW Content Policy

We do not allow pornography of any kind on the server. If you are ever concerned that what you are posting might be NSFW, please ask a moderator.

• If you would like to DM NSFW content, you must have the other person's explicit consent.
• If discussing or sharing content that is considered "Not Safe For Work" (e.g., violence, traumas, dysmorphia), you must use spoiler tags to warn others.
• All shirtless photos which do not show visible bottoms are considered NSFW.
• Photos where the primary content (closeup) is a topless photo are NSFW, *except* in #fitness-and-nutrition (spoiler tagged) and #trans-forum (for progress photos).
• Group photos where being shirtless is not the main subject (e.g., beach or Pride photos with visible bottoms) are allowed in #pets-and-people-pics and #events-discussions (with a spoiler tag).

Channel & Conversation Relevancy

Topics should stay within the purpose of the channel. If a conversation that clearly belongs in a different channel begins to oversaturate a channel (including #general), please bring it to the relevant channel. The Moderation team highly encourages members to softly suggest moving conversations.

No Self-Promotion, Spam, or Invites

Self-Promotion, Advertisement, Crowdfunding, Spam, and Invites to other Discord Servers are not Allowed.

Event Host Authority & Safety

Event hosts and Boston Gaymers staff have full and final authority to address any behavior that violates this Code of Conduct.

Removal Policy: Hosts are empowered to immediately remove any attendee for disruptive, unsafe, or belligerent behavior without prior warning. Decisions made by hosts regarding safety are final for the duration of the event.

Sober Participation & Personal Responsibility

We expect all attendees to be sober enough to maintain personal control and respect for others.

• At 21+ events with alcohol: know your limits. Intoxication is not an excuse for violating community standards.
• Ensure you have a safe way home. Hosts can assist in calling taxis or ride-shares.
• No illegal substances are permitted at any Boston Gaymers events.

Physical Boundaries & Consent

Maintain awareness of personal space. Physical contact requires clear, enthusiastic, verbal consent. This includes hugs, touches, or any interaction.

Respect all boundaries immediately and without question. No photography or recording of others without their explicit, verbal permission.

Public Setting Awareness & Discretion

Be mindful that events often occur in public spaces. Exercise discretion when discussing sensitive topics that could compromise member safety, privacy, or draw unwanted attention. Respect that not everyone is publicly "out." Avoid assumptions.

Venue & Space Respect

Respect all venue staff, property, and rules. Follow all venue-specific safety protocols. Leave spaces as clean as you found them. Report any issues to event hosts immediately.

We take action against violations in all community spaces. Our "Three Strike System" applies specifically to our Discord server.

Online (Discord) Three Strike System

In-Person Event Violations

Violations of this Code of Conduct at in-person events will be handled by the event host, a Moderator, or a Mid/Final Boss present at the event. Actions are at their discretion and may include:

• A verbal warning.
• Being asked to leave the event, either temporarily or for the remainder of its duration.
• Being barred from future in-person events.

No refunds will be provided for event tickets or purchases if removal is due to a Code of Conduct violation.

We urge all members to always lead with kindness. If you encounter any violations, promptly report them. Reporting helps maintain the integrity of the space. This includes reporting microaggressions or racist/transphobic behavior, even if you are not the direct target.

Reporting Online Violations

Reporting at In-Person Events

If you experience or witness a violation at an in-person event, please report it immediately to the event host or any Boston Gaymers leadership (Moderator, MidBoss, or Final Boss) present. Our team will be identifiable and will handle the situation with discretion.

Contact Us

• For Reporting: DM @BGBot on Discord.
• For Emergencies: DM a @Moderation Team Member, @MidBoss, or @Final Boss.
• Email: [email protected]

Version History

Version 2.0 - 28/12/2025: Comprehensive Merge

• Merged the comprehensive "Code of Conduct Draft (Oct 2024)" with the Web Version.
• Added "Safety Over Comfort" clause to Values.
• Expanded Definitions of Harassment to include Doxxing, Stalking, and Non-Consensual Recording.
• Added dedicated "In-Person Events" section with rules on Alcohol, Venue Respect, and Host Authority.
• Added "No Refunds" policy for Code of Conduct removals.
• Added Anonymous Reporting link.

Version 1.0 - 29/08/2023

Community Guidelines inception.